The feeling of having a lot of work and having a lot of time in between is making me lonely. (A lot of time = I don’t have majors)
The hugeness of my work and the reality of where I am academically makes me feel quite sad.
In a very naive, backward way, I want to have a boyfriend to fill up the spaces that my sadness occupies. I know that’s stupid and wrong. It’s just how I feel.
My work is very fulfilling. There’s a backwards and forwards to it, though. The absence of me being academically well contributes to the backwards. It hurts me deeply.
I take deep breaths and extend my arms and eyes Upwards. All up to You, all up to You.
I said many times before that I stand with my feet in your ocean, open-armed to embrace the waves. The splash can be drowning — it is cleansing, too.